i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
