My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
