I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
