i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
