I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
