Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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