it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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