Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You can't special order awesome
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
