i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
