CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
