Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
