I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
