Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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