Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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