I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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