the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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