So drunk its hurt
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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