Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
