all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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