I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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