the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
