Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
