you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
