I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
