I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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