Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
