I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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