I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
