im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
