I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
