I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
