Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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