put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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