i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
