throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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