I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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