So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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