Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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