I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
