You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
