but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
