im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
