Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
