You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
