So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
