It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
