i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
