i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
