After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
