He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My ass is underappreciated
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
