It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
