I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
